NazgulQueen's Trove of Voodoo Beads

Driving It Home With One Headlight

It's 10 to 9pm on a Wednesday and Im doing something I haven't done in ages with my friends--go on a road trip. Destination is Donsol, Sorsogon which is a lucky 13 hours away by land (using a bus and various transfers).

Playing out of the speaker systems of the bus terminal in Araneta Center is a catchy old tune by the Wallflowers which I never paid that much attention to before. But now I realize the lyrics talk about a girl's desperation and demise. Here and there snatches of lovely dark poetic little phrases:

- as I listen through the cemetery trees
- it's cold, it feels like Independence and I can't break away from this parade
- she hit the end its just her window ledge
- this place is old it feels just like a beat up truck, I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn, with smells of cheap wine and old cigarettes, this place is always such a mess sometimes I'd think I'd like to watch it burn
- somewhere here in between these city walls of dying dreams, I think her death it must be killing me

What I knew of the song was just it's catchy chorus which made me think it was some sort of lovesong.

But me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

Great song. I remember the band winning a Grammy for the album this was on. And Jakob Dylan, as one famous (I forgot who) admirer once said, is "easy on the eyes." I remember also because of their other song "Three Marlenas" and of course HEROES. Which was originally done by Bowie but remade by the Wallflowers and sung at Big Sky by the Luscious Malfoys at the launch of the Heroes fan group.

Gotta look for Jakob's cell number, invite him out for coffee and catch up. Ask him how the wife and kids are. Never did took that much notice then (because I'm all about Depp) but he's been "haunting me" the past month.

And we can drive it home. With one headlight. (Which is illegal by the way and the cops will pull you over)

Automaton / Rocket Fuel

The last four days or so, I've been feeling like a robot. Pretty much performing at a certain level that just sort of gets you a passing grade at life. When what I really want is an A+ with stars all around.

I'm pretty much just functioning. Managing that smile when needed, getting into conversations when the social situation calls for it, showing up when I'm supposed to (because I still don't want a failing mark and I do believe in the adage "showing up is half the battle.")

I'm just like everybody else on this planet. We all need our load of ROCKET FUEL to get us through not just the challenges and milestones but the every day little things that happen in the course of our sometimes ordinary and sometimes extraordindary lives. The tricky part is where do we get that rocket fuel from? We get it from doing something we truly love and feel at home with, we get it when we see or hear something inspiring, we also get it from other people. Sometimes this is easy, other times we have to search, dig and drill. Yet we all need to find our sources, it's not fun being a robot. The chocolate always tastes better when you've got rocket fuel in you.

So, I trudge on in a heavy set of boots. Search, dig, drill.

Here's to a full tank for alll of us, for the road ahead.

Mekong River Delta Cobra

APOCALYPSE NOW was a landmark movie for me. I wasn't quite ready for it the year it was released but, when I was 18, I saw it with my friend Tricia and the experience was unforgettable. Scenes from the film burned indelible images in our minds. So clearly it comes as no surprise that one day I would be in the Mekong River Delta searching for Capt. Kreutz (Marlon Brando's character). I didn't find him of course. And while it's debatable as to whether I found the heart of darkness or not, I did find--the cobra.

* * *
In a big plastic container (similar to where you put sago balls and the sweet juice here) are snakes looped and swimming in rice wine. Having had a pleasant experience with our very own Cordillera rice wine otherwise known as tapuy) I thought why not.

You can ask that a tiny shot glass be filled with a sample. It is the same wine you have in bottles of varying sizes containing cobras or better yet, cobras with a scorpion by the tail in its mouth. With sundry other floating substances the bigger the bottle gets. A few props go to me (non alcoholic mommy) for being the first to ask for a sample. None of the guys seemed interested until I downed that lovely shot.

It's actually quite yummy, not as sweet as tapuy but still quite yummy. Supposedly the snake wine has healing and medicinal properties--it relives aches pains dolours and apparently gets the blood pumping and gets you very virile. I don't know if this was the placebo effect but hey, the first words I uttered after one swig was "Pare, Patigasan na!"

So I've procured a modest bottle for Hank and Big Sky Mind which has had its own little cobra (alas no scorpion) for a while and I don't know what alcohol they have in it now. All I ask is they let me know when it gets opened. I'm having swig.

Here's to "hair on my chest."

And if I start to roll up my sleeves at you and raise my eyebrows up at you, you'll know what I drank. Patigasan na pare and I will bring it on. Now excuse me while I scratch my invisible balls.

("Girls got balls too. Only they're a bit higher." -- Joan Jett)

Dream of Californication, Chasing Redemption

"Destruction leads to a very rough road
But it also breeds creation."

I finished Dave Navarro's "Don't Try This At Home" last year and actually found myself depressed reading through most of it until he found redemption (at around the time he found and married Carmen Elektra). Dave and Carmen are no longer together but neither has Dave returned to the downward spiral he was on. Having had enough distance from it, I'm now keen on picking up Anthony Kiedis's "Scar Tissue" which I gather tells a similar tale of destruction and redemption (thank goodness).

I seriously doubt my spiral has gotten close to theirs but I don't believe in judging the weight of a person's crosses vis a vis another's or your own. And so hey, I can say I've looked for redemption too and I'm still searching for it at the bottom of teacups, in the mouth of a Jagermeister bottle, on a floating feather. The most important thing being I've looked for it, I am looking for it, and maybe I'm more than looking, I'm walking after it, keeping pace with it standing up tall with your boobs upright (to borrow from Sinead).

What is destruction without creation? The creation of the new form, the Phoenix from the flames is the most exciting part of it all. Stagnation only breeds dengue.

Trivial Tribute

And here's a salute to the few men in the world who can pull off black eyeliner. I raise my tricorn to you in the spirit of Jack Sparrow. Because someone has to.

The Three Men Who Will Break My Heart This Year

Stewart, Andy, Gordon.

Please come over to this part of the world and please make sure your tickets don't sell out in 8 minutes.

I've been obsessing ever since my friend Pecos (who apparently puts me a degree of separation away from Stewart) said the band was getting together and rehearsing and intending to go on a tour. I haven't been able to sleep well and am just always full of nervous energy and unable to stop thinking about how I can see THE POLICE play.

The last 3 days have seen me try to turn the world upside down to see if I could actually find myself a spot in Dodger Stadium to watch them. But you know, my son goes to big school this year and there's tuition to spring for. I can get those lovely tickets but it's the plane fare that will get me. I have four days before the Dodger Stadium tickets go out to the general public.

In the meantime my fingers are crossed in the hopes they swing by Australia. In which case I have a willing co-conspirator.

Mark and Petite, thanks for replying to my email and keeping me posted on the Oakland date. My obsessed heart appreciates the gesture.

My mind continues to work and turn scenarios around in my head. In the meantime, this is MY SOS TO THE WORLD. May the gods and the universe hear my plea. Guys you want to come a little closer to this girl's home.

Filthy Valentine Confessions

If you're looking for something filthy you've come to the right place.

I admit, it's nice to be asked about what I did last Valentine's Day. This year however, it's defined more about what I didn't do than what I did. I did NOT TAKE A BATH. I wore my film school jeans, flip flops, black Viper Room t-shirt and straw cowboy hat which I had on Tuesday night and I pretty much stayed in it throughout Wednesday and only bathed on Thursday because I had arnis which in the late afternoon and dinner where I had to smell good in the evening.

I loved not having taken a bath.

Did the chocolates, did the potions and the inescapable :-* digital kisses too but really it was all about the dirt. The filth and the fury baby, the filth and the fury.

Belated Valentine's Day to everyone.

Never Listening to Tom Petty the Same Way Again

I used to listen a bit to Tom Petty when I was 11 back then it was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. His music just kind of grew on me. When I was in college Petty was part of the Travelling Wilburys with Bob Dylan, Roy Orbison, George Harrison and Jeff Lynne. I bought their cassette. And at that time I'd be hard pressed to find a tune sadder than their track "Congratulations" which if I remember right, went "Congratulations for breaking my heart, congratulations for tearing it apart..." A very young Johnny Depp (who we all know is a music and rock and roll fan) was in Petty's video for "Great Wide Open" which I have on my iPod. Another one of my favorites "Learning to Fly" is in the soundtrack of Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown. I sort of like how that song speaks to anyone whose felt a bit disappointed and heartbroken but looks at the life ahead of him or her as an interesting open road full of possibilities.

I was feeling a bit down recently and well, someone played a bit of Petty in the off hours (God bless iPods) and of all the people in the universe who could have connected to it, I think it pretty much spoke to me. It's great to have a set of songs or musician you like or are into at a particular time but it's way cooler to find out someone's got that that same set of songs in mind at the same time you do. That's what makes music so special--the fact that it can evoke memories, people and moments. And yes I'm not listening to Tom Petty the same way again.

Get Me Tired

Dance with me till the sun comes up, walk with me, run with me, swim with me. Jump up jump up jump around jump around. Full throttle max out the volume, full speed ahead Captain we can't get to Tortuga soon enough. Scream shout blow the lightbulbs out. Take out the spear the shield the daggers chase me chase me round and round the night time buildings and parking lots. Run after me I'll run after you. Ride all the rides in Disneyland and all the roller coasters at six flags, tour the world for all its bungees never sleep until next year. Catch me if you can. I'm shooting like a star. Find me on a trampoline maybe in your wildest dream.

It's Finally Cold!

I used to love seeing people in their warm sweaters at 530 in the morning leaving midnight mass in search of hot chocolate and hot bibingka for an early breakfast. The cold made it all the more delicious. But this Christmas it was WARM.

Thankfully we've gotten some payback in February. It is finally COLD! The newspapers recorded 9 degrees a few days ago in Benguet and just now I was having a sandwich at the Starbucks outside my village and the wind was blowing and I got goosebumps on my exposed skin. Girls in t-shirts were rubbing their arms, others were smart and brought jackets.

It's nice to know the cold has come, even if it is a little late. The weather is absolutely perfect for taking walks and having long conversations outdoors over coffee and crackers and cheese. This is the weather local goths love because they can wear their layers and long and flowing numbers without breaking a sweat.

I think of my favorite spot facing Manila Bay on the Promenade of the Mall of Asia and feeling the cold air rushing through me. I don't know how long this cold wave will last but I'd love if it went up until mid-March. Going to build me a snowman and name him Al.